"I was 14 and I thought my dad was the one to listen to."

7 years ago I did my first suicide attempt. I didn't think much, I was 14 years old and had a plan that happened after many years of emotional and physical abuse, drastic changes in life (moving, passing of my mom, PTSD treatment) and just being overwhelmed and feeling out of place... Of course I ended up in the hospital and not too long after, I had an appointment with a psychiatrist about maybe taking me inpatient because of depression and suicidal thoughts.

My dad was there with me, because of my age... and he told me that whatever they asked, I had to make sure they wouldn't admit me.

So I listened to my dad, told them I would never do it again and that I would be fine. They believed me and my dad was glad he could take me home. Why did I write that?

Because if I look back now, year 2020, I wish I hadn't listened to my dad back then and that I had gone inpatient...

because not even 3 years later I had no choice anymore but to go inpatient. I was getting more dangerous to myself through those years, months, weeks, days... ever since January 2016 I have been going in and out of psych wards. Now I'm almost 18 months inpatient. And why? Because I listened to my dad instead of myself. I was 14 years old and I thought my dad was the one to listen to. So many what-if's, would I have been inpatient now if I had said yes back in 2013? My recovery has been looking much different now. Problems got worse, more, intensive... now I'm recovering from depression, alcohol abuse, learning to deal with my emotions (borderline), autism, eating problems, self harm and more. I'm 21 now.

So this is to everyone under 18, who has parents whispering in their ears to lie to the psychiatrist when they want to admit you, or anything else that pauses your recovery. It's so important you listen to yourself, no matter what your age is. Do it for you, not for someone else 💜

Stigmas I want to clear up about being inpatient is:

- You don't need to feel ashamed to get help.

- They don't just inject something and they never JUST restrain you. They don't touch you unless its necessary... they just try to keep everyone safe.

- M,21