"I went from anxious, blurry & depressed, to capable, ambitious & strong."

One of the realities of this world that haunted me as a teenager was that I never decided to be born. If you think about it, we never select ourselves for this thing called life. We don’t select our natural talents and strengths, and sometimes we wish we had different ones. For me, my teenage years and into early adulthood were the hardest. I am 26 now and have overcome a lot in the last 10 years. When I realized I never signed up for life myself, I didn’t want to DO life. I remember understanding why people killed themselves, and when you can understand something so horrifying, that’s a scary place to be. I spent years chasing boys that were not a good fit for me.

In college, I pretended to be someone I really wasn’t so that I could fit in. Comparison stole all my joy. I was up and down, up and down emotionally.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to do for a career. The list goes on. But I showed up. Every day. And I tried to do my best. And I realized that as long as I do my best, I will make progress and some day I’ll figure things out. Well I did, and eventually I met the man I call my husband today. He helped me realize who I really was because he loved me genuinely. He helped me see what career path was best for me and he helped me unlock those dreams and goals I had in my heart that were so pressed down by society. He connected me with great mentors and leaders to guide me in our career path together, lifting me up from feeling hopeless and purpose-less. Then, I started a real journey. A journey of getting out of my comfort zone every day. I did this because I learned how to set goals, and I learned how to journal about what I wanted in life in 5, 10, 15+ years. All of a sudden I started viewing my life as a gift, and I knew what I wanted and who I wanted to be, so I worked to become her (and am still working on that). I grew in my faith every day and really came to follow Jesus. I grew in my dreams and what I expected from life.

I went from anxious, blurry and depressed to capable, ambitious and strong.

I could start to feel the strength rising up within me every day by completing daily habits such as reading a personal growth book, listening to a podcast, attending an event, journaling my feelings to understand them, and reading The Bible. Even when I didn’t feel like it, my emotions didn’t dictate my habits anymore.

I learned the power of my words, and so I stopped speaking things like, “I just feel so depressed” or “I suck at this” and I started speaking positive things over myself like “I am capable” and “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I chose to see the good in every situation. I pursued friendships with people who lifted me up instead of tearing me down.

I still don’t wake up happy every day. There are days when I still feel depressed. Some days I just cry and cry and don’t even know why my heart hurts so much. Maybe it’s the growing pains. Now I wake up so grateful that I was born and given a chance here on Earth. To make an impact, to leave a mark, to inspire others.

My #1 goal in my life is to inspire others and I choose to live a life outside of the norm and show people that “radical” does exist.

If I were to give advice to my younger self, it would be to keep pressing on. Even today, as I work to achieve the goals I have, I must keep pressing on and leaning into the truth. A tattoo on my foot says “fighter” as a constant reminder of my journey. I’ll never be perfect, but I strive for progress.

- Elisa Hart, Central Virginia, 26